Life

Goals

Contrary to what people believe, I do have some goals in my life. I just never seem to care for them since my life always manages to turn upside-down, even when I thought all of the bad moments are gone. These are my goal. They are not in order, but this is what I want:

1. Graduate from the Northwest Arkansas Community College with an Associate of Science (Possibly with an Associate of Arts also, since I don't have too many hours left for that)
2. To receive a Bachelor's Degree. Most likely I'll be getting degree from the University of Arkansas.
3. To get a job
4. Get a Master's Degree
5. To have a wedding that I have always dreamed of and deserved (because every woman deserves their dream wedding)
6. Buy a house
7. Have babies!
8. Be happy. 

Here comes 2013

What can I say about 2012 without sounding like an ungrateful person? It's sort of impossible when I am a pessimist. I know there are some good things, but the bad things always outweighs the good. I guess it is to keep me grounded.

I'm still pursuing my studies, and I have been getting great grades so far. Next semester will probably be my last semester at NWACC. I'm scared to move on to the university, but it's just something I have to do. I am still not sure what career I am going to pursue in the future though, which sucks, a lot. I miss my family in Malaysia a lot. 

I miss my abah a lot. I wish he was alive to see that I am not a screw up. I wish he was alive to see me graduate. I wish he was alive to see everything I will achieve in the future.

I did a countdown of eleven good things that happen in 2011 when 2012 was coming, but honestly, I don't think I can come up with twelve things that highlight the year 2012. Should I even try, or just put up some new years resolution? Honestly, I can't think of anything that I want to resolve. What I want is impossible, because it is in someone else's hands.

2013, I'm begging you, please be good to me.

Messed Up!

Haven't done blogging in a way long time. Today, however, I feel like writing about it. Although this might be personal, I just don't have anyone to talk to about it without being judged. I feel like I'm the most messed up human being in this whole entire planet! There are reasons to my statement:

1. I don't have a clear vision of what I want to pursue as a career. In other words, I am not sure of what I am passionate about.

2. I have NO hobbies! I hate when people ask me "What do you like to do,?" " What are your hobbies?" Like seriously, I do not have a hobby. I WANT a hobby, but I don't know what I can do. I am not creative, therefore I cannot do arts and crafty things. I mean, I want to be creative. I want to do creative stuff, but I know I'll just fail. I need to find a hobby. Something that will relax me. I can't even do sports hobby stuff. I'm not athletic. I'm also one of the most sports retarded person in the world. Even if I do have a hobby, I'll probably won't have time to do it. With all the assignments and quizzes and classes and trying to not make more of a mess in the apartment, I'm booked! I just want to find something. I need something that is mine. Mine only. Something that I don't have to worry about good grades, losing , sharing, or being stupid.

Passion. What am I passionate about?

So Long 2011..

...Here comes 2012.

I don't know what to say about 2011. It was a year full of heartbreaks, a lot of tears, but my baby Jihad came into my life in 2011. So I can't say that 2011 was a bad year altogether. Honestly, I can list all of the good and bad things, but the bad things would take forever. The good things were:

1. My nephew, Jihad Nur Al-Iman, was born on February 19, 2011. I remember this day as if it happened yesterday. I was waiting all week for kak Aisha to give birth. She didn't give birth, so I stopped anticipating too much. I made a reminder to wake up that Saturday morning to watch the replay of the Grammy's. It was worth missing the Grammy's just being able to hear his very loud cry, touch his soft skin, see his fair skin and red lips, and hold his tiny body. He is my highlight of the year 2011.

2. No more walking up at 5:30am to get ready for school, walking up the hill and stairs, and standing in the perhimpunan for more than 10 minutes.

3. Going back to USA. Not going to the USA for so long had made me jakun when we did went back. And of course, Disneyland. Like helloooo, how can that not make me happy?

4. Did not fail my SPM. 'nuff said!

5. Being able to study in the USA. It's like one of my dreams that I really really wanted to happen, and it did.

6. Taylor Swift concert!

7. No fail for my first year of Finals.

8. SNOW!!!!!!

9. And finally, I lost weight! YAY!! I'm about 54 kg now.

My first S-N-O-W :)

I lie you not, it is snowing :) My first ever snow. I'll probably will never get sick of snow. Standing outside, feeling the soft, icy snow land on my body was one of the most exciting things that has happened in my life. I will cherish this memory for a loooooong time :) 

Taylor Swift Concert

On September 24th 2011, I had one of the most amazing night of my life. I went to a Taylor Swift concert in Tulsa, OK.

The concert was incredible. The set was like a fairytale. It was colorful and beautiful. I love the fact that Taylor Swift sang every song in her Speak Now album. I think an artist usually would sing some of the songs from the album. I was very close to the stage that I could see her expressions without looking at the big screen. It was *that* amazing.