A Little Girl

I always wonder what it's like to be a little girl again.. I mean, to run around or play and not care about anything in this world.. I would think about happy thoughts, to not care about any of my problems.. I sometimes act childish just to get away from the real world.. But the fact is, I'm not that little girl anymore.. And it kinda sucks..

I remember when I was a little girl, I couldn't wait to be a grown up.. I could do things my way.. I could watch anything I want.. I could make my own choices.. I could stay out with friends.. I could do anything I want..

But then, I grew up.. and I'm thinking, why did I grew up too fast?? I still wanna watch cartoons all day.. I still wanna play with my Barbie's.. I still do some of these stuff.. But the feeling isn't the same..

Right now, I realize that growing up means more responsibility.. I never thought life would be this hard.. Too much problems..

And nowadays, I see that little kids are trying so hard to be grown up.. They forget about their age and just be a teenager.. My advice is to grow up on your own time.. grow up slowly.. Time really flies by.. you don't want to miss a second of your childhood..

Even though I want to be a little girl again, I know I can't.. I have to accept that fact.. But one thing is for sure.. I had a fantastic childhood.. I grew up according to my age.. The movies and television of my time help me grew up and I had a blast watching.. Sometimes out of the blue.. I would say to Baina: " do you rmember we used to watch ( name of story )?? Those were the days..

So, right now, all I can do is pray for the best for years to come..

New Year!

Oh My God!! I can't believe.. New Year is just around the corner.. and soon I'm gonna be a senior. . My last year of high school.. I'm gonna have to be independent.. I have to grow up.. I have to start learning new things.. I'm gonna have to work hard.. Oh my god!! I'm so not ready for this.. *sigh* it shows that time does not wait for anybody.. Well, here I am.. writing about my new year's resolution.. I mean, what fun would it be if I don't have some new year's resolution?? So first of all:

1.
I'm gonna study really hard.. I have to learn to get all A's for SPM.. It's gonna be tough because I get bored easily.. But it's just 1 year.. Then I'm free to rest, for awhile.. I'm not gonna study the whole time but study hard enough to make mama proud..

2.
Lose weight.. It's gonna be tough.. I LOVE eating.. I HATE exercise.. But it's a sacrifice I'm gonna take.. I'm really gonna try hard to make this happen.. Every year I've been meaning to lose weight.. But obviously that didn't work out.. So, I'm not gonna procrastinate this any longer.. well, it's much harder since there are lots of junk food in my house.. Why do people keep on giving me junk food??


3.
Drive.Since I'm turning 17 on the 16th of April, I'd be able to drive.. And I can go wherever I want to without asking my mama to send me.. and if mama is too lazy to send me, mama wouldn't have to ask someone else to do it.. I really can't wait to drive..


4.Learn something new. I wanna learn French so badly.. Again, this is another thing that I keep on procrastinating.. The book is sitting there like since I was 10, I think.. I think it's time to finally do this, since I'm so determined to work hard in year 2010..

5.

Be happy.. I feel that '09 made me cry a lot and a lot of sad things happen..But I wanna make 2010 be a happy year.. Ok, I might not be happy the whole year.. I mean, it IS my LAST year of high school.. everyone will go in different paths.. I won't get to see most of these people after 2010.. That would be my sad part.. And of course, I won't be happy since it's my SPM year.. But I'm gonna have to endure it.. Life is much too precious to just be sad.. I wanna be happy..

6.

Travel. After SPM, I'm gonna travel.. I wanna waste a month on myself.. Do something I enjoy.. I REALLY LOVE to travel.. Hopefully mama will have the money for my travels.. I don't care if I go by myself.. I wanna travel!! This is my passion.. I'm gonna see the places where I've been and never been before.. I wanna enjoy myself before taking my SPM results *gulp*

And through it all, I hope everyone have a great New Year.. And I hope that 2010 has more good memories instead of bad...

Love forever, Hana

Time Will Tell

Once upon a time there was an island where all the feelings lived; happiness, sadness, knowledge, and all the others, including love.

One day it was announced to all of the feelings that the island was going to sink to the bottom of the ocean. So all the feelings prepared their boats to leave. Love was the only one that stayed. She wanted to preserve the island paradise until the last possible moment. When the island was almost totally under, Love decided it was time to leave. She began looking for someone to ask for help.

Just then Richness was passing by in a grand boat. Love asked, "Richness, Can I come with you on your boat?"
Richness answered, " I'm sorry, but there is a lot of silver and gold on my boat and there would be no room for you anywhere."
Then Love decided to ask Vanity for help who was passing in a beautiful vessel.
Love cried out, "Vanity, help me please."

"I can't help you", Vanity said, "You are all wet and will damage my beautiful boat."
Next, Love saw Sadness passing by.
Love said, "Sadness, please let me go with you."
Sadness answered, "Love, I'm sorry, but, I just need to be alone now."
Then, Love saw Happiness.

Love cried out, " Happiness, please take me with you."
But Happiness was so overjoyed that he didn't hear Love calling to him. Love began to cry.

Then, she heard a voice say, "Come Love, I will take you with me." It was an elder. Love felt so blessed and overjoyed that she forgot to ask the elder his name. When they arrived on land the elder went on his way. Love realized how much she owed the elder.

Love then found Knowledge and asked, "Who was it that helped me?"
"It was Time", Knowledge answered.
"But why did Time help me when no one else would?", Love asked.

Knowledge smiled and with deep wisdom and sincerity, answered,
"Because only Time is capable of understanding how great Love is."

Feeling Empty

Another day of feeling empty.. Another day to go through life empty.. Another day that I wished would turned out differently.. But no.. It's just the same.. Same old routine.. Same old boring day.. Can't find anything to do.. And if I do, it will be dull and boring... I just wish things will change this new year..

I'm Over It

Yup, you read it right.. I am SO over him.. But I still think he is so damn fucking gorgeous.. But, I don't like him anymore.. Maybe he isn't my type.. hahaha.. I guess I have to find someone else to crush on.. hahaha.. But, I don't think I'll fall for anyone any time soon.. I'm a person who falls for someone easily, so maybe I will have a crush on someone soon.. I hope not.. getting hurt because of a crush really sucks..

Back From Bali

My plane arrived from Bali at 12:20 and I was dead tired.. The whole trip was satisfying, but really tiring.. at the end of every day I would be exhausted and my feet would feel as if I ran a marathon.. The weather there is really hot.. Luckily there are times where we went to a place with cool air.. The views at Bali was breath taking.. especially near Mt.Batur then a restaurant called Pacung and Tanah Lot..

But I think that the trip would be better if Mama had come with us.. Mama said that it was a way for us to learn to go on a trip by ourselves if the next time Mama can not follow us.. Right now I'm tired and hungry.. But there's nothing I can do.. The fun is over.. My life is back to normal.. Nothing else would happen..

Right now, I feel like I have no purpose to live life.. But I have to keep moving on.. But I really hate doing the same thing each and every day.. It's too constant.. I'm the type of person who likes to go through life with different plans.. I can't stick to a schedule.. It's boring.. I'm more spontaneous :) *sigh* but life goes on.. C'est La Vie

Off To Bali

I'll be leaving Malaysia and shooting off to Bali in a couple of hours.. I'm so excited.. After a long time of patience and waiting, I'm gonna travel somewhere.. Sure it's in Indonesia, but who cares.. I need to relax before stressing my brains for SPM..

When I get back, I'm gonna update my blog.. I can't wait!!

Btw, I'm trying to learn to talk in French.. It's a really interesting language.. I wanna know how to speak French before I go there in 2011..

Je ne peux pas attendre !

Forget It

I really have had it.. I can't stand this torture.. I'm tired of being the silly girl who fall for stupid boys.. I'm sick of feeling ugly and fat.. I'm through of feeling unwanted.. I'm closing up my heart.. I won't let any guy make me fall for them.. I'm gonna stop looking for Mr. Right, when all I've fall for was Mr. Wrong..

I know it's kinda dramatic and kinda desperate since I've barely been in love or a relationship.. I mean 2 crushes isn't a lot and the last time I checked I'm still single .. But it still can really break a persons heart in little, small, tiny pieces... I really don't want to get heart broken over a guy who I thought would be perfect for me if he realize how I can be the perfect girl for him..

But the chances are for them to realize my feelings for either of them are really low.. The chances are a billion to one... There are lots of girls who know they'd be perfect with them.. So, I just have to let it go, again..

And I'm trying to write a song.. A song that really connects with my feelings.. But because of the current crush, I've lost my whole train of thought.. Every word that I come up with doesn't add up.. This boy really tied my heart in a really tight knot.. So, I'll have to find a really sharp scissors to cut that knot.. Soon, I'll be free..

When I'm done with the song, I'll post it up here..

Another Horrible Ending

I was bored last night.. So, I figured I may as well find out what his name is.. I searched high and low.. And I found out what his name was.. So searched his name in Myspace and Facebook.. And guess what?? It really is his name.. His name is Alex McKee.. I'm not really sure about the age or what country he's from but, I'm just glad I found out his name.. So, I added him on Myspace.. And you know how it is that some people have multiple Myspace accounts.. I wasn't sure which one was he's real account.. So, I added all of it.. Then, there's this one account that really broke my heart.. It wrote that he has a fiance...

I know it's just plain stupid.. That my heart got broken by a guy whom I never had a conversation with.. But it really hurts.. His may-or-may-not-be fiance is beautiful.. I can't compare with her.. And to make things worse.. None of the account have accepted my friend request.. I can tell myself: maybe he hadn't went online in awhile, give it some time.. But the actual thing is: He's Just Not That Into Me :(

I'm pathetic, I know.. But, there IS something about him.. And right now my whole dream of him falling for me, has shattered into really tiny pieces...

That's the story of my life.. I've got my heart broken by 2 guys.. Both of which are not my boyfriend.. Kill me now.. When will it be a time where I DON'T get my heart broken??

P.S here is another picture of him with blond hair...

Stupid

So, I was fooling around searching stuff, like I always do when I'm bored, and I found this photo of a guy.. And through my point of view, he is gorgeous.. I somehow feel like I wanna meet him.. But that's just a stupid thought.. But if you look at him, you'll fall for him too.. You can't really see his face but, you can see he is good looking..

It's stupid I know.. Liking a guy who I will never meet.. Plus I don't know what his name or age is.. Not sure where he is from.. And I'm sure he's already taken.. But I'm just an innocent girl whose heart has taken over her whole train of thought..

He won't even like me if we met.. Hell, he won't even look at me.. :(

But I still can't help it.. It's like love at first sight lol... I think it's more of unrequited love... There's just something about him that makes me feel like there are tiny little butterflies flapping in my stomach..
This is him... :D I don't care if you don't like him.. What matters right now is my own little fantasy world..