Jealousy...

We all get jealous sometimes.. Even to our best friend.. Why?? Because we never appreciate what we have.. We always want what someone else have.. For instance, some people would go all jealous when they open up a magazine and see a really skinny model/actress.. And they look at them self in mirror and think why can't I be like that?? And some would go jealous because some people have the guts to realize their dreams..

I'll admit.. I was talking (writing) about me.. But at times I feel really stupid for even having that feeling.. It's not supposed to be there because I should have worked my ass off to want any of those things to come true... And sometimes I get a little selfish to think that people should be jealous of me.. But the truth is, there is nothing to be jealous about.. I don't have a perfect figure, I don't have perfect grades, I don't have perfect skin, I don't have a boyfriend and I don't have a life.. Ok, so the boyfriend part was not that important but you get my point.. People have no reason to be jealous of me.. And right now I'm mad at myself that I can't find myself.. Who I really am.. I know who I am.. But I'm afraid of letting her out.. People seem to like me as the boring girl that I am.. And I like it too.. But there is someone inside of me wanting to go out.. I'm not sure how..

It's like, jealousy is part of who I am.. I get jealous by everyone around me.. Jealous that their too smart, jealous that their too skinny, jealous that their too beautiful, jealous that their too rich, jealous that their living my dream, jealous that they have a life..

Well all of that is going to change.. Because I'm going to change.. It might take awhile, and I might give up.. But change is the only way for getting the green eyed monster in me out...